When the vicar’s been watching too much TV… Episode 1.
- jbharper21q
- Aug 10
- 5 min read
Ever since the early days of the Christianity, when the main aim was to avoid becoming dessert for a troop of hungry Lions, there has always been a tension between the Church and society.
Should the church embrace modern culture? Should it try to be trendy and forward thinking? Or should it hold firm to its traditions, its roots and to a language that started dying out 1500 years ago with the fall of the Roman Empire? Or to put it in more modern terms, should we follow social trends and fads?
When selecting the songs for Sunday, should I pick hymn number 6 7, and watch my son die of embarrassment as I do the little wavey hand thing. Is it okay for the Preacher to show a clearly AI generated image of the Pope spinning a 3-pronged fidget spinner in their desperate attempt to explain the Trinity to a theologically deficient church. Or must the Worship leader start dabbing during the short break between the 3rdverse and 2nd bridge of their latest composition?
Are any of these good ideas or should the church ignore Pokemon Go, Prime drinks, Ice bucket challenges, eating Dubai Chocolate, taping phones to the ceiling (this might be hard with the height of some church ceilings, extensive H&S and ladder usage training would be needed) and calling each other Bro… or Br’?
These are issues that have troubled vicars, pastors and priests for generations. Every so often however, a vicar or pastor or perhaps an overly eager lay preacher will buck the trend. This usually happens because either:
They have spent too much time talking to the youth pastor – who seems to have a worryingly good knowledge of the entire Netflix back catalogue, not to mention lengthy You Tube and TikTok playlists. It’s as if you are paying them to watch TV so they can stay ‘on trend’ with the kids… whatever that means.
Alternatively they have just had two weeks away, sitting in the sun, listening to the gentle lap of the ocean and worrying why congregation numbers are falling… again. Something needs to be done!
Either way the answer is simple, what if the Church was truly relevant to society? What if it could use trends and popular shows to draw people in. Afterall, isn’t that what Jesus would have done? He met people where they were… didn’t he?
What follows can be summed up in 4 increasingly desperate stages.
Stage 1: The vicar starts to reference too many TV shows in their talks.
The first week it seems quite amusing. Halfway through a sermon on the Last Supper, the vicar starts comparing the events of Jesus’ last meal to the previous episode of the Traitors. Can the disciples work out that Judas is the traitor before it is too late? Will he strike again in the meantime? Or can Jesus find the missing shield and claim immunity (though you don’t remember any mention of shields in the gospels)? In the end Jesus is betrayed and Judas wins. But hang on, Jesus re-enters the game 3 days later, what a plot twist, even Claudia wouldn’t have seen that coming. No-one is completely sure what the vicar is actually trying to say but it goes down quite well, better than their usual anecdotes about Ordinance Survey maps or train timetables.
Week two and the Apprentice is in full swing. This ties in with the church’s ‘giving week’ in which a worryingly honest appraisal of their finances leads the vicar, in the style of Lord Sugar, to demand they do better on the next task, which happens to be the passing round of the collection plate. ‘Anybody not pulling their weight will be fired here and now’. Nervously the congregation dig deep and amazingly more money is collected than ever before, meaning they won the task and survive for another week!
The vicar moves onto week 3, where the theme is the Love of Jesus. Having rejected the use of Love Actually because there is no-way that the child wouldn’t get arrested for breaking through airport security, they hit on a more relevant TV show. Unfortunately by now the desire to stay relevant is greater than the time they have to actually watch the shows. So they proudly stand up and talk about how Jesus would often stay with a small group of people, who all loved each other, just like…
…as you sit there listening, you can see where this is going but can’t stop it. Surely, they aren’t going to say what you think they are going to say. Surely no-one in church is going to admit watching, let alone comparing the Christian faith to…
…Love Island.
Instead of the reassuring nods and smiles which have greeted their previous weeks’ analogies, there is now a look of horror written on the faces of half the congregation – the half which know what the show entails. The other half are gently nodding away and making a mental note to watch this spiritually uplifting TV show when they get home.
Exhausted and needing a break, the vicar realises that although they have managed to make the services more ‘relevant’ it hasn’t drawn in the crowds yet so they move onto Stage 2.
Stage 2: The vicar decides to rebrand their services, hoping to draw on popular TV shows and films to attract newcomers into the building.
Sun 2nd August – Jesus the King (1 Timothy 6:15) is replaced by a more engaging sounding title. ‘A Game of Thrones – who is the real King of the North?’ Of course the answer isn’t the Starks, Lannisters or Targaryens, it is Jesus, much to the disappointment of several teenagers in the congregation who were hoping for a lot more gore, violence and … well, we had better leave it there.
Sun 9th August – Temptation of Jesus (Matthew 4:11) is replaced with The Devil tempts with Prada, which focusses on how Jesus would have rejected Satan even if he had been offered luxury designer goods. Unfortunately Dorris Thistlethwaite takes this a little too literally and immediately goes out and gives away all her clothes and jewellery in a bid to follow in the footsteps of Jesus.
Even the small group meetings don’t escape the treatment. The series on the Holy Trinity is rebranded as ‘The God-Father parts 1, 2 & 3’. This is fine until one over eager small group leader decides to decorate their house with a fake horse’s head and a baseball bat for greater effect.
Despite stage 2 being completed, there are still a lack of people in the church. In fact one farming family walked out and haven’t returned after the talk about Jesus being the Good Shepherd ended up as a cross between a Shaun the Sheep movie and an episode of Clarkson’s farm.
Stage 3 is needed…
