What to do when the tech fails!

We have all been there... hands half raised in worship, singing of God's Amazing Grace when suddenly the screen displaying the words of the song freezes. Instead of your chains being removed, you find yourself repeating verse two. It’s not that verse two isn’t good, after all you are celebrating the Lord promising good to you, it’s just you have already declared this once. You carry on anyway, hoping that the ‘good’ which you are singing about includes a new laptop for the back of church. Or perhaps you recall the moment when the preacher realises that their clicker no longer moves their presentation onto the next slide but decides to jump three slides at a time, meaning they have just given away the answer to their next rhetorical question before it has even been asked. The answer of course was going to be Jesus. It is almost always Jesus, with the odd Holy Spirit, St Paul or Quiche thrown in for good measure.

Technology may be one of God’s great gifts to the world but it is also the bringer of eternal frustration. I am hoping that Heaven is tech free, not because I am a Luddite but I don’t fancy reaching the Pearly gates only to have to wait to find out my fate because the Wi-Fi is buffering. However, the bigger question is what do you do when the inevitable technological fail occurs?

I lead worship at my church and there is nothing worse than the tech failing, except of course for the heating failing. Making up a new verse on the spot for I stand Amazed is one thing, standing in an ice bucket, whilst trying to strum anything on the guitar is infinitely worse.

Imagine the scene, there you are, about to launch into a series of three songs specifically chosen to both flow musically and match the theme of the service. So much so that you even spent a good two hours practicing them on Friday evening. Practice should have been shorter but the drummer kept wanting to add fills between the verse and chorus. In the end you decided to miss out a couple of bars and go straight from one to the other, much to their disappointment. This is probably the reason they are hitting the drums extra loud this morning, to make a point. You have even picked a Bible verse to read during the musical interlude between Living Hope and Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus. You are good to go.

You play the first introduction. As you do you wonder why the words are not yet on the screen. Nothing! No sign of the intended song. Then just as you are finishing the four bar intro for the third time, the projector jumps into life and the words appear. Well words do anyway. I mean they aren't the words to the song you are playing or even one of the other songs you've chosen. Judging by the number of thees and thous, they are lyrics left over from 1822, or from the midweek communion service anyway. A few seconds later and even these words disappear, you are left with a blank screen once more. What should you do? You have four choices:

a) Go for the shout out the words before each line approach. I have seen many desperate worship leaders do this, I have even been forced into it myself. It works if you are just a chorus missing or half a verse, but any more than this and you will inevitably get confused and start playing the wrong chords at the wrong time, with goodness know what words. You also have the challenge of trying to squeeze a whole sentence into the gap between lines. It starts ok… “How deep the chasm that lay between us”… “How high the mountain…” you run out of time, leaving everyone a little confused as to whether you are proclaiming a gospel truth or becoming a tour guide for the Himalayas. Modern songs are not designed with lengthy gaps for when this happens.

b) Move onto a different song, preferably one that most people will know, without having to read the words off the screen. Something akin to Our God is an Awesome God. This is the time to take repetition to a whole new level in order to give the desperate sound desk techies (there are now 7 of them gathered around it as if it was a newly discovered form of life) time to try and restart the aging machine. However, you may find that even the simplest song will soon wear out its welcome if the problem isn’t fixed quickly. As you repeat the simple chorus for the 14^th time you start to feel that the frowns, pursed lips and piercing looks of the congregation are not a sign they are immersed in praise for God.

c) Send the steward into the cupboard at the back with a torch, a survival kit and bag for life, in the hope that the old Mission Praise books are somewhere in the darkest recesses of that rarely explored closet. Your desire not to throw them away is about to be vindicated. 

d) Give up and go home, have an artistic strop and point out that Oasis wouldn't have this problem when they play at the Co-op arena. Of course, the Vicar or Pastor might point out that you are not a talented rockstar but a 'humble' worship leader who is meant to be serving God not fulfilling your unobtainable dream of performing in front of millions of adoring fans.

Whichever of these options you go for, keep smiling. Remember in the end it is all about worshipping God and He doesn’t mind how good or bad the worship is. Though I suspect He would rather it wasn’t that bad.

Of course, it isn't just the worship leader who will be sweating at the lack of technology. The preacher is equally as worried. As the worship leader cuts short their slot, to try and maintain what little dignity they have left, you know your time is coming. Even if you bring forward the prayers and ask your son to read the whole of the Psalm rather than just the 5 verses you are preaching on, it won't be enough time. The technicians are now unplugging wires and trying desperately to remember which one goes where. Why didn’t they colour co-ordinate them like the vicar suggested? Suddenly it doesn’t feel like she was trying to micromanage after all.

All the time and effort you put into finding images to help the congregation to visualise what you will be saying. All those Bible verses you meticulously researched and typed out using your exhaustive concordance (you don't hold with just Googling things, it feels wrong and given the current situation your technophobic attitude seems justified). If only you had written them down somewhere other than on the PowerPoint! Now you will never remember them all. Was it Philippians 1 or Philippians 2 when Paul said we should 'live a life worthy of the gospel'. Is there even a Philippians 2? Suddenly your Theology training seems woefully inadequate. Yes, so you can recite the beginning of John's gospel in Greek, but can you preach without your PowerPoint slides! Well the answer is no. Again, you are left with a number of choices.

a) Wing it. After all, you have been in church services where it felt like the preacher (even though they were using copious pages of notes), was making it up on the spot. They got away with it so surely you can? Can you? Is that fair to God? Is it fair to the congregation? Why do you try and preach without notes anyway? If you had written it all out in the first place you wouldn’t be in this situation.

b) Do the bits you can remember and just skip the rest. This is fine, though inevitably the sections that seem to be coming to mind are the anecdotes. You have to remind yourself that you aren't a stand up comedian and just telling stories which involve you making a fool of yourself will not cut the mustard - or as it is a Sunday, the horse radish sauce. You can’t for the life of you remember why you were going to tell the story of the lollipop lady, the badger and your 5 years old nephew. What on earth did it have to do with the King David crying out for help? Perhaps you were sleep deprived when you decided to us that one!

c) Feign illness. Pretend to faint. Actually faint. I am pretty sure if you hold your breath for long enough it might work. Run quickly to the bathroom. Trust me, no-one is going to stop you. Added to that the church is generally a compassionate place. Well, they are before you have preached anyway. Afterwards they may become a little more judgemental. Therefore, they are bound to take pity on you and let you off the preach… won’t they?

d) Turn it into an interactive session. Read the passage from the Bible, read it again and then for a third time. Ask the congregation to discuss what they think it means and then take feedback. Revolutionise the way church services work. Remember your teacher training, Pose, Pause, Pounce Bounce. Pose the question, Pause for them to think, Pounce on someone, preferably someone who is going to give you a good answer. Don't choose the confused looking couple sat at the back who have come for the first time and seem utterly baffled as to why you are discussing God. Presumably they thought this was the weekly meeting of the Rotary club. Then bounce it to someone else to respond, do they agree? Can they add anything? It might just work… as long as you don’t actually pounce on someone, well not in the physical sense anyway. With the number of octogenarians in your church, physical leaping may have unforeseen adverse consequences.

Whichever response you go for there is one thing that is guaranteed. No matter how long you drag it out for, no matter how much you persevere, the exact moment you sit down, sweat still dripping from your brow, your PowerPoint will flick up on the screen Bible references, little pictures and all.

Conclusion

If you are worshipping in even a semi-modern church you will have to accept that at times the systems will go down and unless you are fortunate enough to have a computer expert in the congregation, it won't be back up and running anytime soon. But never mind, just remind yourself that God existed before technology, services took place prior to the invention of the computer, and we even survived for centuries without a large screen and projector… though I can’t really work out how.

Keep smiling, keep praying and give it all to God.