If the first will be last, and the last first then will England finally 'win' the World Cup?

‘It's coming home, It's coming home... it's not coming home'. This is the chant of English football fans every 2 years since that glorious long summer of 1996 when we came so close.

I love sport and in particular I love the World Cup. I will spend hours and hours, watching teams that I know very little about kicking synthetic polyurethane covered rubber bladders around a piece of perfectly manicured lawn, too and fro, back and forth, up and down the pitch for 90 long minutes, sometimes without scoring a single goal. Yet nothing matches the excitement as England take the field with the hope that this will be the year when get to lift the Jules Rimet trophy aloft. After all someone has to come first!

Over the years I have come to realise that it doesn't matter how any lions you have on your shirt. The excitement of the tournament will build until that moment we (England) inevitable lose on a penalty shootout and I am forced to tear my wall chart down in disappointment, burying my feelings away until 2030 comes around. But what if things were different? Is there a way that we could finally claim victory. For that, perhaps we need to look to the teachings of Jesus. Maybe then and only then, we will stand a chance of claiming that famous trophy!

In telling the Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard, Jesus clearly states that the 'first will be last and the last will be first'. For those who know Jesus' teachings, this should not come as a surprise. After all, at the heart of his ministry is a call to serve the outcast, the downtrodden and those ignored by society. So, what if we apply this to the world of sport?

Now as far as I am aware, Jesus never attended a major sporting event. After all he was several centuries away from the invention of football, rugby, or even cricket. Unless he took a side trip to Athens without telling anyone, I don't think he would even have seen the ancient Olympics. Perhaps the best he could have done was watch the odd camel race from a distance, presumably as the poor animals attempted to squeeze themselves through a needle’s eye to get to the finish. Therefore it may be a stretch to suggest he was talking about England v Croatia when he made this bold statement. But what if he was?

How does the command that the 'first will be last and the last will be first' line up with winning the world cup. Should we be stripping Argentina of their winning medals from Qatar 2022 and giving them to the host nation, who sadly only scored the one goal and didn't gain a single point?

Imagine it, every team in the competition doing its very best to try and concede as many goals as possible. Their aim, to come last. Carnage! Each player attempting to take the ball form the centre spot and run towards their own goal, aided by their goalkeeper who is having a welcome drinks break on the sideline to avoid the Miami heat. No longer would it be 1 v 0 to the Arsenal, no longer would Brazil dominate the world with their silky skills, or the Germans beat us on penalties. Surely, we would stand a great chance. If there is one thing the English know how to do, it is lose a penalty shoot out. Suddenly, instead of being a national burden, penalties would be our greatest strength. No-one would want to play against us. Here come the English and they are guaranteed to miss and lose the game, therefore progressing to the next round. 

I am thinking this would make for a great tournament, Haiti, New Zealand, Cape Verde... instead of sitting at the bottom of the tournament rankings and hoping for an unlikely upset, would stand a genuine chance. Even my wife would presumably find this exciting as we reach injury time in the final and Uzbekistan score another own goal to put take them 33 v 34 down against Jordan. Did Jesus really have the World Cup in mind when he told this famous parable? If not, what was he referring to? How can the first be last?

It isn’t just in the world of sport that we celebrate being victorious. Imagine how political elections would work if we began counting the votes negatively. The candidate with the fewest votes is the winner. You have to try and persuade people not to vote for you, which in turn means people vote for the person they least want rather than the candidate they hope might actually improve the potholes in the area.

Church itself would have to work differently. That person, you know the one, who almost sprints down the aisle to be the first in line to receive Holy Communion, will have to wait to the end and hope there is still some bread left or it will be a gluten free wafers for them. The couple who dash off first at the end of the service to avoid small talk might have to chat with every other couple in church before they are allowed to leave. The vicar can’t tell people what to do but likewise doesn’t need to listen to the Bishop or Elders when he wants to put up a bouncy castle in the service next week and start up ‘bouncy church’. Finally, the worship leader might have to take instructions from the drummer and let them play the song their way for once, meaning a lowering of the key and a raising of the volume.

On the plus side I hate flying. I know that statement may not immediately make sense but bear with me. I hate it because there is something quite terrifying about being thousands of feet in the air, in a metal coffin, only seconds away from a potential (and most likely fatal) plummet towards God’s wonderful earth. The way I see it, if He had meant us to fly He would have a) given us wings, b) made gravity optional and c) made in-flight meals a lot more edible. This is the reason I still haven't visited my antipodean relatives. However, if you were to extend Jesus’ rule to first class, then I might be tempted. All I would need to do is make sure I boarded the plane right at the back of the queue – which isn’t very hard, especially when you realise you need the toilet just as the doors are opening and the nearest public convenience is back at gate 3 whilst you are boarding at gate 27. Being last on board, I could saunter into first class with its beds and own compartments and complimentary drinks to take my mind of the potential upcoming doom. Australia here I come!

It would fundamentally change the nature of life as we know it. Which let’s be honest, is probably what Jesus had in mind. No-longer would there be the fight to get to the front. I wouldn’t be tempted to queue for hours, what would be the point? By the time I got to the front I would have to go to the back again! I might even have a chance of getting into the New York Times' best seller list or Blogger of the Year (if such an award exists). All I'd have to do is not sell my book, which let’s be honest, is worryingly easy to achieve, as experience has taught me. It is the selling bit that is difficult.

Conclusion

In truth we have to ask ourselves one question. What did Jesus mean by the ‘first will be last and the last will be first’? Was it simply a statement about modesty and humility. A mind shift for the disciples, and us, to try and ensure that we move our priorities around and think of others before ourselves. Or is also about not trampling on each other to be the ‘best’ at kicking air filled synthetic fabric spherical objects between two parallel wooden posts into a polypropylene net. If so, then perhaps after all those years of hurt football might finally be coming home... though we may have to battle with Curacao for that particular pleasure.

Thank you for reading my blog. Follow this link to read more or subscribe for future blogs.

https://www.jbharper.com/blog