How many seats to leave in Church...

... without being considered rude?

Going to the cinema has changed since I was a young lad. Back in those days, a new release came with excitement and anticipation. I recall having to arrive early to get my ticket and purchase copious amounts of overpriced edible snacks. Sometimes this involved queuing outside, down the road and almost into the River Humber. Why did I have to get there with at least 40 minutes to spare? Because back in the 1990s you couldn’t book online, you didn’t choose your seat on a screen. Instead you got the timings from the free weekly newspaper and hoped there would be space when you got there. Even once you’d purchased your ticket at the counter, there was no guarantee that you’d get a good seat. It was first come first serve. In fact I recall running through the foyer, with the other enthusiastic fans, to get prime seats for the Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. For the record it was worth it, the seats and the film that is.

Times however have changed, these days cinemas have websites and apps, you book your individual seat in advance, with the guaranteed knowledge that you will be comfortable and avoid disappointment. This has the added benefit of meaning you can rock up halfway through the adverts and still get a good view.

Attending church however is different. Unlike the cinema, churches (well the ones I am aware of anyway) have remained fixed in the 1990s when it comes to seating arrangements. There are no website bookings, and apps are a hitherto undiscovered venture. Such accessories are a stretch too far into the technological world. They may have been developed using our God given ability to be creative, but aren't right for a Sunday morning. Instead we still have a first come, first to grab a seat system. No-one alots you a certain seat, or even keeps counts of how many people have made it through the doors in case there aren’t enough chairs to go round.  In fact in many churches pews are still in order, and it isn’t clear how many actual seats there are. Can you squeeze five people onto them? Six? Seven? Perhaps eight if you all hold your breaths for the majority of the service? If you are late you will just have to make do, you certainly can’t reserve an aisle seat, however many times you email the vicar in advance.

Added to that, as you enter the church you are faced with one of the great dilemmas of the Christian faith. It is akin to the great philosophical questions of the ancient world, such as 'Can God create a stone so big that even He can’t move it?' Or 'Is something right because God wills it or does God will it because it is right?' The question, which we are all faced with, it how many spaces is it socially acceptable to leave between you and the person next to you on your row. I know what you are thinking. How could we possible answer such a mind blowing question in the space of a short blog. Well I am going to try.

There are three possible answers, each with their pros and cons as set out below.

Option number 1: Leave two or more seats.

Pros	Cons
This allows space between you and the arm waving charismatic family who will inevitably sit next to you. Last week they nearly took you out during the chorus of ‘O Praise the Name’ and you know the music group are doing it again this week. By allowing two seats they can get as carried away as they want in worship and you won’t need to wear any body armour or learn jujitsu for self-defence.	It may look like you are actively trying to avoid sitting next to that family, which probably isn’t what Jesus would have done. OK so if we are truthful it definitely isn’t what Jesus would have done. Also they may realise this, which will bring some unwanted tension to the service. Let’s hope for your sake it isn’t a communion service or sharing the peace may take on a whole new level and international mediators may be required.
It means that if, for some unknown reason, the church is suddenly packed full of eager visitors, all attending for the first time, a young and polite couple could squeeze in next to you. You might even become friends and be able to invite them round for a coffee and quick game of Catan sometime. Leaving the seats free for others, if needed, is therefore an act of charity, whilst more likely preserving your independence, given that the only time the church was full was in July 1993 when it rained so hard, the whole highstreet came to shelter inside.	You don’t know who will take those available seats. It might be Mrs Harrington, who always gives a running commentary through the talk, loudly and quite critically. Last time you sat next to her, you got shushed by everyone around you, including the vicar giving the talk, even though you hadn’t said a word. At least if there is no seat, then she will have to find someone else to embarrass. You couldn’t look the vicar in the eyes for three weeks after the last time, but then again you were getting over a bout of conjunctivitis.

Option number 2: Leave just 1 seat.

Pros	Cons
No-one is going to take the seat and you will be able to use it to put your coat on, or as a Bible stand, or to hide the notepad and pen you have brought with you to make the weekly shopping list, in case the talk goes on and on… again. This is because even if you came to church by yourself, you aren’t going to sandwich yourself into a mid-row seat, between two grumpy looking families. For the record, only one of the grumpy families is mine.	By leaving a single seat you are making a statement. It may be a socially acceptable statement in almost all areas of life. Whether it is sitting in a staff meeting, on a train or visiting the restroom (gentleman you know what I mean), the right thing is to leave a gap wherever possible. It shows you respect other people’s privacy. However the same rules don’t apply in church. The family of God are one body and therefore, like any body-part, detaching yourself from the main isn’t a good thing. It might seem that you don’t like your fellow congregants, or you are questioning their personal hygiene. Neither of which is going to give you the reputation in church that you want.
You have a buffer between you and the couple next to you. This means when the pastor says 'turn to talk to the person next to you', you can immediately face away from them, turning instead to your wife and son. You may, on occasions, wish you didn’t have to communicate with them too but at least they aren’t going to talk earnestly about how ‘bad’ a Christian they are as they have only given out 17 alpha invitations and read their Bible for 11 hours that week!	You may be asked by a steward to move up. What is wrong with that? After all it will only happen if the church is full and if so, then it is probably for the best. The problem is that awkward moment, when you look at the stranger to the left of you. Your eyes meet and in that moment they know, just as you do, that this is something you are being forced to do. You don’t want to sit that close to them. If you did, you would have done it from the start. For the rest of the service, you have to sit rigidly, and rather uncomfortably, trying not to encroach into their physical space, but as usual the chair set up team, have crammed the seats together as if using a vice.

Option number 3: Don’t leave any empty seats at all.

Pros	Cons
You will look like a truly loving and caring member of the body of Christ. You are showing the person next to you that not only are you happy to sit with them, but that you are actually going to enjoy their company. Their presence next to you is bringing a blessing to you.	They may not reciprocate the feeling. Instead they may be debating how they can move seats without looking like you are the problem. You may like the fact you are sat next to the young trendy couple, but they were really hoping for some quiet space and you nuzzling up to them is making them realise that they chose the wrong church. Suddenly the little village chapel down the road with its 18 rows of pews and 17 congregants is seeming much more attractive to them.
You can converse, chat, share stories of the wonder of God and generally socialise with the people sat next to you. There is no awkwardness of having to shout across a number of empty seats. Instead you can ask them how their football team got on (knowing full well yours beat them 3 v 0) or for an update of their grown-up son at Uni (who you saw a little worse for wear in town last week, when you were coming out of a late-night prayer meeting). You might even be able to drop that into the conversation. By the end of the service, you could have made new friends, or strengthened your existing friendship, unless you mention their son that is.	You may have to converse, chat or generally socialise with them. This isn’t what church is for. Church is about going along, ticking it off on your done list and therefore not feeling guilty when you realise you haven’t picked up your Bible in the last three weeks. Generally you avoid awkward social situations for a reason, they are awkward. Well actually it may not be the situation that is awkward, more yourself, but that doesn’t matter. You are the sort of person who goes into a room, finds the quietest, darkest corner and sits there in the hope no-one will see you. The last thing you want is having to empathise as they tell you about their struggles or regale you with a blow by blow account of which toaster they felt God calling them to buy. You just want to arrive, say the right words, sing a few songs (if you have to), get forgiven for your sins and go home.

Conclusion

So there you have it, three options. You may well be thinking to yourself that you will just decide when you get there. If there is a couple you like, who don’t generally wave their hands like huge tree branches, or try to engage you with toaster buying repartee, then you will sit next to them. Or If you know them vaguely well, but want to leave a respectful distance, to allow them a little privacy and to avoid your bodies bumping into each other as you stand, sit, stand, sit again and do the macarena, that you will leave a single seat. If you don’t really want to communicate with them because last time they didn’t stop talking in the run up to the service, during the worship, whilst the Bible was being read and even throughout the prayers, you can leave a larger gap. All sorted? Well not really because trust me. Someone will notice. Someone will be watching. This is after all church and someone (by that I don’t mean God), is always watching, eager eyed, ready to call you out. So you had better make your mind up before you get there.